i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
