State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
