i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
