he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
