I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
