He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
