if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
