i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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