I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When are your genitals available?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
