so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
