Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
