apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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