I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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