I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
