and she was petting her beer can
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
