and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
