I am puke
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
