Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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