you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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