I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
