Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
