RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
