Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
