i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize