he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
