i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
