I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
