Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
