The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
