everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
