please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
