It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
