Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
