I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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