Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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