Whod you bang
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
