how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize