Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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