The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
