i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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