he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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