Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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