I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
