Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize