Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
