mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
