How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
