It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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