So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
