I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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