Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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