bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
