who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
