Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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