last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
