I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
