You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Randomize
