Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize