i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
