drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
