Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize