Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
soo... how was my night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
