I am in a vortex of obligation.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
