i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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