I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
