He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
