I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize