seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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