Will you blow on my dice?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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