and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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