Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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