too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
