I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
