my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
