P.S. I can't hear my feet
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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