totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
