There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
