Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
