I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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