The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
