you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
