Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
