I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Found your dick twin last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
