Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
