Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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