Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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