So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
