I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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