my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
