I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
