I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
