sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
