I bet he comes in French.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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