i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
