dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
