When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
