everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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