You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
