dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
