You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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