two words: eviction party
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
