There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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