Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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