my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
