Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
