We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
