mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize