How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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